Lord. Have. Mercy! Javier Bardem makes me want to sing the Spanish National Anthem - if only I knew the Spanish National Anthem. I mean, you get ALL of this plus him saying things you don’t understand in that wonderful Spanish accent. He could say anything, it wouldn’t matter. Who cares what he says. He just says it so sexy.

I’ll just call him El Conquistador.

NSFW photos of El Conquistador after the jump.
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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are proof of the saying that there is a Jack for every Jill. They are in Jamaica on vacation, which is all celebrities seem to do these days, and indulging in PDA’s in the pool. That has to be just creeping everybody down there out. I mean, think of the other hotel guests who have to swim in the very same pool! Just yuck.

I’m thinking Madonna has been watching too much WWE lately. She did the photo below for the cover of Interview Magazine just last week. Now we are treated to her in pretty much the same style for her Hard Candy album cover. Its promoted as tough and sweet. I’m missing the sweet part - but maybe that’s just me.

My grandmother had one of those shiny silver Christmas Trees every year. When I was little I thought it was old fashioned an ugly. They’ve come back in style a little, but I’m not sure how stylish it is to be wearing one. I’m wondering how the hell Kate Bosworth got my grandmother’s Christmas Tree and made it into a dress! Serious. How’d she do that? My grandmother had ornaments that were just like Kate’s shoes! And she’s got leggin’s on her arms. What made her think of doing that? I have to quit looking at that dress cause its making my eyes hurt.

Oh - these pictures are from when she attended the 21 premiere in Las Vegas.

Jessica Alba does not look like a happy camper in this photo. She’s attending the Kung Fu Panda Screening and is pictured below there with Mike Myers. Something about her standing there with her hands on her hips and her lips pursed reminds me of a teacher I had in middle school. She just looks prissy and bitchy. Maybe she’s miserable because of her baby bump. Maybe its the hormones talking. Then again. She looks like that a lot even when she’s not pregnant.

Melanie Brown is kickin’ up her heels after the premature end of the Spice Girls oh so exhausting world tour. She’s with husband Stephen Belafonte in Miami and doesn’t seem particularly worried about anything. She’s looking pretty good in the bikini.

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen struggle with their luggage at the Toronto airport and then have to struggle with the snow when they get the house. Where’s their people to carry their stuff? Since when do celebs have to carry their own stuff?

HD photos at Celebritopia

Sienna Miller has finally said ‘yes’ to the proposals of her Welsh love Rhys Ifans. Apparently he’s asked several times. They are such an odd pairing, but they say they’ve been inseparable since they started seeing each other. Plus, I hear that he’s a great person to be around. He’s got a great sense of humor, knows everyone and is the life of the party. He’s obviously devoted to her - but then why wouldn’t he be. They look happy and I wish them tons of luck.

Whoops …

There are rumors that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are getting married. I know, we’ve had these rumors before so we’ll just have to wait and see. They are said to be getting married this summer in a very small, intimate ceremony. The plan is to get married after she gives birth to the twins she is carrying.

A source told Grazia magazine:

“Brad has been talking about getting married for ages. He is totally devoted to her and their children. It is the right time for them to do this.

“It will be a strictly private affair. Brad did the big celebrity-packed wedding when he married Jennifer Aniston. This time it will be an intimate family gathering.

“Angelina has said there will be no big white dress or lots of flowers. At the moment they are looking at hosting a ceremony this summer on a yacht out in the ocean, miles from land, with just their children, Brad’s close family and Angelina’s brother.”

“Brad wants the preacher from his home town of Springfield to conduct the ceremony.

“Angelina’s brother James will give her away. Brad is insisting Jon is invited if they get married. Angie hasn’t ruled it out. But, even if Jon does come, Angelina will still insist James gives her away.”

Honest. to. G*D! Have you ever seen feet like these? Its bad enough that Paris Hilton has size 11 feet, but put on top of that they they are all bones and just plain weird looking. Well, I guess she doesn’t have to worry about falling over. They match her hands. Have you ever noticed her hands? Yeah, they are the same as her feet. It kind of makes me think of those space aliens with the long, thin extremities. Come to think about it, that could explain a lot.