In Canada a judge has ordered a man not to have a girlfriend for three years as a result of the man’s abuse towards his former girlfriends. Here’s the story:

Judge Orders Man Not to Have Girlfriend
AP
PETERBOROUGH, Ontario (June 14) - A judge has ruled that a 24-year-old Canadian man is not allowed to have a girlfriend for the next three years.

The ruling came after Steven Cranley pleaded guilty on Tuesday to several charges stemming from an assault on a former girlfriend.

Cranley, who has been diagnosed with a dependent personality disorder, attacked his girlfriend in an argument after their breakup.

He tried to prevent her from phoning the police by cutting her phone cord and punched and kicked her. He finally stabbed himself with a butcher knife when police did arrive, puncturing his aorta.

Doctors say Cranley has difficulty coping with rejection and runs a high risk to re-offend if he becomes involved in another intimate relationship.

Justice Rhys Morgan said Cranley “cannot form a romantic relationship of an intimate nature with a female person.

“That is the only way I can see the protection of the public is in place until you get the counseling you need.”

Cranley had already served 146 days in pre-trail custody, which Morgan said was enough jail time in this case.

His lawyer says the no girlfriend order is the first of its kind that he has encountered.

OMG, I’ve had a boyfriend or two who could have used a few minutes in THAT judge’s courtroom. I remember a guy in high school who wouldn’t let me leave a swimming pool. He kept pulling me back in and trying to get a feel. Finally some other friends came to the pool, and I was able to leave. Then the guy called me incessantly. Even as an adult, I’ve had a stalker-esque boyfriend. Once I recognized his tendencies, I dropped him, but he made it difficult.

I think the judge made a mistake, Hazel. He said the man couldn’t have an intimate relationship with a “female person.” Now the guy will just go gay for three years. What do you think?

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Some men are high maintenance. Being high maintenance isn’t necessarily bad. It just means that the relationship requires special handling. Here are 13 things that are sure-fire indications that your man might be HM.

(1) He is hard to please in restaurants. He frequently complains of bad service and/or bad food frequently at restaurants.

(2) He seems to disapprove of anything that doesn’t directly validate HIM. For example, you want to go have lunch with some girl friends. You go, but you know your HM man will act like you’ve neglected him.

(3) He wants you to prepare dinner for him every night. He won’t demand it, of course - he just lets you know he really likes it.

(4) When dinner is over, he retires to watch TV while you do the dishes. He’ll help if you ask him to - but you have to ask.

(5) When you have a day off, he wants you to spend it with him. Not doing anything in particular - just being there with him as he goes about his day.

(6) His needs are always seem to be more important than yours. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate your needs. It’s just that his are so much more pressing to him.

(7) Similar to his behavior in restaurants is his behavior in other businesses. Store clerks often see his bad side.

(8) He is either hot or cold. Everything is wonderful and he is the most fortunate person in the world OR everybody sucks big time, and he is burdened with having to deal with imbeciles all day long.

(9) He’ll give you a fabulous gift - but strings might be attached.

(10) Whether he’s an early riser or a late sleeper, he wants you to do the same.

(11) Similarly, if he’s an early-to-bed guy or a late nighter, he wants you to do likewise.

(12) When you’re apart, he calls you. Often.

(13) He’s not a bad guy. He can be very charming and loving. He is just high maintenance.

So what do you think?

Catch you later,

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Without going into any details, I will admit that I’ve been “suddenly single” more than once. Once when I was at loose ends and didn’t know where to start in getting back out in the world again, a friend made a suggestion that made all the difference in the world to me. Here it is:

1. Get a large calendar - not a measly little pocket calendar but a big one that won’t be lost easily - one that will hold lots of information.
2. Buy a copy of the Sunday newspaper - or whichever edition has a listing of community activities and classes.
3. Go through the newspaper and look for festivals, classes, events and other activities that are of interest to you. Want to learn to dance? Sign up for a class. Want to meet other singles? Look for a “divorce adjustment” class. Want to learn something new? Check out community classes, look for book discussion groups or a writers group. Want to become more physically active? Find a walking group, or a golf group or whatever. Larger churches often have excellent divorce care classes where you can meet other folks who know what you’re going through.
4. Put the dates and times of those activities on your calendar.
5. Follow through by going to the things you’ve placed on your calendar.

You don’t have to go alone although it’s okay to go by yourself. Call another single or married friend to go with you. You may have to go outside your comfort zone, but each time you do it, your comfort zone increases. And that’s the point.

The important thing is to get out and live life, do what you enjoy and not sit at home moping and feeling sorry for yourself.

I am a living, breathing success story of this method of overcoming a “suddenly single” depression. It works.

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Hiya Hazel,

News flash! I’ve been married for a few years, and it has taken me this long to learn an important secret to pleasing my HMM. He simply wants to BE with me. It’s not enough to sleep together at night and spend every evening together. This past week I’ve been on vacation, and I’ve spent three days doing nothing but being with him. I put my own errands and plans on the back burners, and I’ve accompanied him on various errands. I’ve sat in his office and read a book while he handled business phone calls. I’ve chatted with the workers in his office while he took care of business, and I’ve gone with him on business calls. We’ve eaten sushi together, visited clients together, talked and laughed in the car on the way to and from those errands. I told him - quite truthfully - that I wish I could spend every day with him. And he is a happy man this week. Very happy, if you get my drift.

In the past, I’ve felt that there was no sense in going with him on his errands because I had my own errands to handle. You know - the laundry, the dishes, going to the market and handling things related to my own job. This week I decided to just put being with him first on my list of priorities.

I have a good time being with my husband. However, it’s true that men are just little boys trapped in adult bodies.

previous:

• HMMs High Maintenance Men

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My husband is a HMM (high maintenance man) and sometimes that can be a royal pain in the ass. I always thought he was simply “difficult” until I learned his true definition recently.

Last week some of my single friends were talking, and one described a first date she’d had the weekend before. The guy was good looking and fun, but when they ate in a restaurant, he complained repeatedly to the wait staff about the food.

“Are you going out with him again?” I asked.

“No way would I get involved with someone like that,” my friend declared. “He’s a high maintenance man. I don’t have time for that shit. If he can’t enjoy a simple restaurant meal without complaining, he’ll complain about everything else, too. His expectations would be unrealistic and unobtainable. I’d never measure up. No one would.”

What do you think? Can one act of rudeness in a restaurant truly be an indication of a major personality defect?

According to that definition, my spouse is definitely a HMM. I can’t even begin to count the number of restaurants where he’s had confrontations with the wait staff and always with the manager involved - and occasionally with phone calls to national headquarters over food he doesn’t like - which he is certain was deliberately prepared incorrectly - and over insults that only he can perceive. There’s no way to count the number of times he’s asked to speak with a business manager because he’s certain that a clerk has purposefully mistreated him.

He’s hot or cold - never warm. A few weeks ago we ate in a restaurant where the server was extremely bubbly and helpful. He gave her a $50 tip - for a meal that cost less than $30. That server didn’t deserve the $50 tip anymore than most of the servers he’s complained about deserved the complaints he lodged.

Yep, I’d say he is definitely a HMM. There are worse things, though, and I happen to be crazy about my spouse - even if he does drive me nuts at times.

Adeline, I understand that COMPLETELY! I’m also married to a HMM. I now have a new word for it. In the past I’m had other words for it, the nicest I can think of now is a**hole. He doesn’t do the restaurant thing, but he has other ways to assert his power and control. But I’m crazy about the man. He drives me crazy sometimes, but I’m crazy about it. hazel

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Live Science is reporting on a study that concludes that aggressive, warm, cold, antagonistic and/or dominant people tend to have more sex partners.

So Patrick Markey, a psychologist at Villanova University, and his wife Charlotte Markey, a psychologist at Rutgers University, asked 210 adults to take a test to measure their interpersonal characteristics. They also asked the subjects to indicate with how many people they had engaged in certain sexual activities.

When they compared the subjects’ responses, they were able to confirm that dominance is a key trait of people who have a lot of sexual partners. They also found that people who are either extremely warm or extremely cold toward others tend to be promiscuous — and that people who are just moderately warm have the fewest sexual partners.

Antagonistic people might prefer to have multiple sex partners in order to avoid being in a monogamous relationship, out of fear of being poorly treated or being later rejected by a committed partner, the authors noted in their study, which is to be published in the Journal of Research in Personality.

Lets see. That’s people who are afraid of commitment or people who are overly needy. It’s also people who are very warm or very cold or people who are very aggressive or dominant.

Maybe it’s just me, but that seems to cover just about every Jack and Jill. Is it just me?

More from Live Science here and here.

Hiya Hazel - I started to comment that HORNY people sleep around, but I’ve known lonely and angry people who sleep around. For them, sex isn’t the reason. Do you think it might sometimes have anything to do with wanting variety? curiosity? Uhhh - in other words - what you said. TTFN, Adeline

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