The next time Paula Abdul feels unloved and is about to lose it in an airport or is just feeling her crazy self or is wanting to cry in her martinis all she needs to do is remember that somebody does love her …. The Stalker Dude.

Just when everyone is burning out on Britney’s meltdowns we get a break and have a breakdown courtesy of Paula Abdul. Just in time for the start of this year’s of American Idol. I’d call that perfect timing!!!

A witness said, “She had an insane nervous breakdown that lasted 10 minutes. One minute she was hyperventilating and on the verge of passing out; the next she was yelling into her cell phone in this deep, rage-filled Poltergeist voice. She kept screaming three names over and over—Michael, Sidney, and Leslie. Everyone was staring at her, but she didn’t care.”

I’m guessing that Michael, Sidney and Leslie stole her vodka.

DListed

New York City fashion expert Danna Weiss tells Paula Abdul to cover up her cleavage! ‘You can’t flaunt them; you have to cover them up.’ She suggests Paula wear higher-neckline tops and dresses. It looks like her boob job is slipping, might be time to get your plastic surgeon to freshen those babies up, Paula!

Allie is Wired also tells us about Paula’s rituals before she goes on air to do her American Idol thing. According to one of her stylist, Paula burns sage in her dressing room to ward off bad vibes and clear the air. “She said she can’t afford to have negative energy around her. She even sages the jewelry she wears!”

The American Idol judges have reached out to the Pop Princess/Trainwreck and have offered to collectively manage her career. They say her career is not over, but she needs some proper management and they are just the people to do it.

We have decided we can bring Britney back,” Cowell tells Fox News, stressing, “We are serious. We plan to buy her some underpants, get her bigger shorts to perform in, and get her away from her stupid friends.” (Quite the ambitious trifecta, if you ask me.) “MTV ratings are up,” notes Cowell, “and all we’re hearing is ‘Britney, Britney, Britney!’ She can turn it around.”

Adds Randy, “We’d love to take care of you, Spears! We will make you a superstar again!”

Britney’s reaction to the overture… after the break.

Britney photos Maple Juice