People are usually embarrassed if they are having emotional difficulties. We try to hide it and will call it pretty much anything other than what it is. We’ll attribute it to physical pain or relationship problems among other things. In my 25 years as a psychotherapist I rarely had someone come to see me who identified themselves as having emotional problems. That’s unfortunate because the healing process requires exactly the opposite. Let me explain.

We have emotional pain for a reason. Just like physical pain, it it is what helps us identify that we are having a problem and what the source of that problem is. Suppose you fall down the stairs and twist your ankle. When you go to the doctor he puts splint on your wrist and tells you to not use your left hand for 3 weeks so it can heal. You are getting treatment, but not for the right ailment. Your ankle won’t heal properly and will continue to cause you pain. In the same way, if you are in an abusive relationship that you are afraid to leave, but tell yourself that your depression is because you just don’t feel ‘right’ you will continue to be in emotion pain and will not heal properly.

Our emotions are what help us heal. It’s when we avoid or try to keep our emotions suppressed that we find ourselves in emotional trouble.

We have four basic emotions; anger, fear, happiness and sadness. An easy way to remember them is mad, sad, glad and afraid. Allowing ourselves to express those emotions appropriately helps us heal from the emotional upheavals we are faced with in living life.

We call those emotions a lot of different things. When we are angry we might say we are frustrated, hurt or irritated. We often use ‘hurt’ to describe sad as well. We might also call sad feeling down or got the blues. Whatever we call the emotion, they all boil down into those four categories.

It doesn’t really matter what you call the emotion. What matters is that you can recognize it and give yourself permission to express it. We do have to give ourselves permission to express our emotions because we are usually taught not to. In our society women are usually taught that being angry is not lady-like. A woman runs the risk of being called a bitch if she is angry. So women usually turn anger into sadness or fear as those are more acceptable emotions for women. Men, on the other hand, are viewed with disdain if they act afraid. Men aren’t suppose to cry. So when a man feels afraid or sad he will usually turn that into anger. Either way, being sad when your really angry or feeling angry when your really afraid, only feed into the problem and do not help you heal from whatever emotional hurt you are trying to deal with.

Dealing with our emotions appropriately doesn’t mean that when you are angry you should go out and do something violent or harmful. Inappropriately dealing with our emotions only leads to more problems, even when we’ve identified what emotion it is we are really feeling. Dealing with our emotions appropriately means acknowledging what you are feeling and focusing the feeling on the source. Most of the time it means allowing yourself to feel.

As uncomfortable as it is to feel angry, sad or afraid, those emotions heal. For example, if your pet dies it is healing to allow yourself to feel sad. As time goes by the sadness is less intense and you feel that way less often. It doesn’t happen over night. It takes time and can be uncomfortable, but you are healing.

The first step in emotional healing is identifying what emotion you are really feeling. Are you mad, glad, sad or afraid?

The second step is to acknowledge and accept what is causing the emotion. Are you angry with your spouse? Are you sad about a missed opportunity? Are you afraid of what others will think of you?

The third step is to allow yourself to feel the emotion connected to the cause. Remember that it isn’t helpful to focus your anger on your dog when your really mad at your boss. Focus the anger, appropriately, where it belongs and allow yourself to experience the emotion.

Doing this doesn’t come naturally at first. However, over time it will become more and more second-nature and you will find yourself more comfortable with your feelings and healing more quickly.

Rumor has it that Katie Holmes is pregnant again. The British Sun and Daily Mail published photos of Holmes with her stomach poking out a bit.

SFGate.com

Earlier this month, Holmes said she was eager to have a brother or sister for her 14-month-old daughter Suri and her stepchildren Isabella and Connor.

She said, “Yeah, definitely (we want more children). We have so many kids in our house, there’s always this wonderful chatter and the great noise of kids. He’s a great father and so it came as no shock that when we had Suri he was amazing with the baby.”

Well, isn’t that special! I wonder if this means more couch jumping.

According to a blog named Good Plastic Surgery, Heather Locklear’s plastic surgery is done well. As they point out, she’s not a celebrity most of us think of when we think of plastic surgery. That may be the very definition of plastic surgery - subtle enhancements.

Good Plastic Surgery says it’s also probably because she doesn’t make public appearances unless she is promoting something. They like her nose job too.

Maybe it’s because Jennifer Anniston has been estranged from her own mother, Nancy Anniston, but she’s had an ongoing close relationship with her former mother-in-law, Jane Pitt.

Earlier this week, Jane, mother of Brad, stopped by Jennifer’s place for a two-hour visit. She was escorted from a black SUV by Brad’s security. Celebrity Babylon got the photos.

I know every body feels sorry for Jennifer, but I don’t see it that way. She’s one of the wealthiest women in Hollywood and who knows what their marriage was like. I don’t see all that much to feel sorry for, she’s not doing that badly.

Texas, California, Washington. . . That “ponytail bandit” sure gets around!

FBI on the Hunt for ‘Ponytail Bandit’
Young Woman Suspected in Three Robberies
By DAVID SCHOETZ
ABC News
Posted: 2007-06-20 01:51:40
(June 20) - Low-slung ball cap. Blond ponytail. Unassuming demeanor. Demand for cash.

The FBI is searching for a woman in her 20s who they say is responsible for a string of at least three bank robberies that began May 8 in Austin, Texas, and picked up later that month with nearly identical hits in Roseville, California, and Lynnwood, Washington.

“In each of the robberies, this unknown female has worn a baseball cap with her shoulder-length blond hair in a ponytail pulled through the opening in the back of the cap,” according to an FBI press release.

The FBI has also characterized the female suspect as having a distinctive, arms-folded stance and a slouch — both of which can be seen in surveillance footage captured at all three bank locations.

“In each of the robberies, a woman entered the bank, verbally demanded money, and then left the bank on foot,” according to the FBI release.

In each instance, a note was handed to the teller demanding money. The female suspect has also donned a cap and a zipup sweatshirt in each robbery.

After the first robbery in Austin, a police spokesman, who said bank robberies were rare in the college town, suspected the woman — who wore a University of Texas Longhorns hat — might be responsible.

“In Austin, we’re fortunate we don’t see a whole lot of bank robberies,” said Austin police spokesman Kevin Buchman. “And it does make it even more rare to have a female involved.”

But now, FBI officials believe the same woman has moved 2,300 miles into the Pacific Northwest.

While her demands from tellers for cash have all been verbal, the Ponytail Bandit, as the FBI calls her, should be considered armed and dangerous.

Such a cute thing. Too bad she has turned to crime.

Maxim magazine gave a party last night at Chelsea hotspot Marquee to hype its July issue showcasing “Women of the Israeli Defense Forces.” The star of the show is Gal Gadot who is being turned into something of an ambassador for Israel to the world.

According to Maxim Online

They’re drop-dead gorgeous and can take apart an Uzi in seconds. Are the women of the Israeli Defense Forces the world’s sexiest soldiers?

The sexy photos of Gal Gadot and other women of the Israeli military have set off a firestorm amongst the politicians of Israel. Several female politicians claim the photos are pornographic and do not represent Israel well.

Ms. Gadot replied to their complaints:

“Obviously, I don’t think it’s pornographic, or I wouldn’t have done it,” said Gadot, 22, who’s starting law school in the fall.

She added, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Israel is a democracy and that’s what it’s all about.”

Most guys seem confused over the issue of Israel being represented this way. In fact, I did my own little survey. When showing the pictures to men I often had a hard time getting a response to my questions about Israeli’s PR tactics. Once I got their attention away from the pictures so I could ask them if Israel should be embarrassed by this display of their women, most replied, ‘Huh? Did you say something?’

And one just said, ‘Yummy!’

Read more at The New York Post.

Wow!!!

If you don’t get goosebumps listening to this you are tone deaf.

Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!! Wow!!

I don’t know what else to say.

Wow!!!!

BTW, he is getting his teeth fixed with his winnings.

Paul Potts

One of our French readers says that in order to understand why the French are so fond of Julien Dore’s version of Moi Lolita we need to see this version of the song performed by Alizee.

So here it is! Thanks for the heads up.

Josh Duhamel of Las Vegas fame and Fergie, who performs with the Black Eyed Peas and is a solo artist have been dating for about three years.

They just bought a very big house together. Josh explains:

“A girl like Fergie comes with stuff — a lot of stuff,” Duhamel says. “And there just wasn’t enough room for the stuff.”

Josh says he is studying the power players in Hollywood and patterning his own career along those paths.

“It always feels like I have to prove myself to be more than what people think they see. That’s part of what I’m fighting right now. People don’t know what you’re capable of until you actually do it.”

About Fergie he says she’s a ‘real total star’.

Like, dude, that’s like, you know, deep.

If you go here if you want to see more of Duhamel, and by that I mean ALL of Duhamel. DEFINITELY NSFW.

It looks like Rosie O’Donnell may be “gaying up” The Price is Right. After Bob Barker endorsed Rosie to replace him on “The Price is Right” it appears that it might actually happen:

O’Donnell to Interview for ‘Price Is Right’
Rosie Talks with Fans About Bob Barker’s Endorsement
AOL/AP
Posted: 2007-06-18 18:23:48
(June 18) - On the day that his final episode of ‘The Price Is Right’ aired, Bob Barker gave an endorsement to Rosie O’Donnell as his potential replacement. It appears that CBS thinks he has a point.

According to a post on Rosie O’Donnell’s blog, the ex-’View’ host will be talking with the network about stepping into Barker’s shoes. In her ‘Ask Ro’ column, O’Donnell was asked:

“Backstage, when asked who could fill his shoes as host of Price Is Right, Barker floated Rosie O’Donnell as a possible successor. “I believe they’re going to have a meeting with Rosie” R u going to?”

O’Donnell responded:

“yes
this week”

She goes onto say “if [CBS] asked me I sure would” and that “no one can replace bob ever. If asked, I will do my best. I love that show” before responding to a flurry of other fan questions (Yes, O’Donnell thinks Tony Soprano was whacked. No, she wouldn’t consider running for president.).

Rosie didn’t shy away from negative posts either. A reader named Kami posted:

“I just emailed CBS and let them know of a 50 state sponsor boycott it they put you on to host TPIR. No way that you are going to gay that good show up.”

O’Donnell fired back:

“kami kami kami
poor sad kami
the only thing i want to gay up
is u”

Speculation from O’Donnell’s fans and detractors grew after Barker announced backstage at the Daytime Emmy Awards that “I believe they’re going to have a meeting with Rosie.”"She knows the show,” he said. “There’s no doubt in my mind she could do the show. Now, whether they want a lady host, I don’t know. I’ve never heard that discussed. As far as I know, they’ve only auditioned men.”

Barker said his friendship with O’Donnell goes back several years, when she had him as a guest on her old daytime talk show.

“She told me she loved ‘The Price Is Right’ and wanted to host it one day,” he recalled.

Among those mentioned as possible replacement hosts have been Todd Newton of the E! network, Mark Steines of “Entertainment Tonight,” George Hamilton and John O’Hurley.

Is it just me, Hazel, or does Rosie’s remarks on her blog sound really juvenile. How old is she anyway?

Adeline,

hazel