Hi Hazel, I wrote a few days ago about how someone should handle being suddenly single. What I described in that post was my first step in getting on with my life after the end of my marriage. For the most part, I loved my years as a single adult. I had more fun and enjoyed life as never before. I learned that I have talents and abilities that I wasn’t able to enjoy in my marriage.

When I was newly divorced and feeling as though I’d be alone forever, I never could have imagined enjoying my singleness, though. I had to make myself get out of my comfort zone and start attending some activities that were interesting to me.

For me, it was important to know other singles. I was reeling from the divorce and feeling adrift and alone. When I was first divorced, I didn’t know anyone else who was divorced. Well, I knew some divorced people, but I wasn’t friends with them. Up until that time, my whole world had revolved around my marriage and the community of married couples that I knew.

So after filling up my calendar with activites (as suggested in “What To Do When You Find Yourself Suddenly Single,” I started looking for a group that I felt would be a good fit for me. For me, it was a divorce group at a neighborhood center. A lot of larger churches also offer “Divorce Care” or “Divorce Adjustment” classes aimed at helping newly divorced people handle the emotions and adjustments associated with divorce.

dancing

One thing I had always wanted to do was learn to dance, but my ex-husband wouldn’t attend classes with me. It looked like so much fun, but I couldn’t do anything other than freestyle dancing by myself. So I looked for some dance classes, and I signed up for them. You can pay big bucks and go to the nationally franchised studios, or you can look for smaller classes offered at community centers and churches. I opted for a church that offered group dance lessons because I didn’t have much money, and I wanted to meet people who weren’t just out looking for dating prospects. That turned out to be a good option for me.

To this day, two of my best friends in the world are two women I met at the divorce group I attended years ago when I was newly divorced. We also attended the group dance lessons together. All three of us have since formed strong relationships with men that we met while participating in the various singles activities.

golf

For awhile, I also belonged to a singles golf group. I loved that. I joined a book discussion group, too, and became a leader in a community singles group - planning weekly activities for a group of 30 - 50 singles. It was fun, and I made a lot of friends.

One downer for all the singles groups: It seems that there are ALWAYS more women in the group than men. I guess that’s just a fact of life.

Being involved in singles groups will also teach you quickly how to handle over-eager men - men who are anxious to find someone quickly to take over their cooking and cleaning and bedroom needs. Steer clear. Fortunately, there are also a lot of men who have learned from past failures and are eager to try a more egalitarian relationship.

So follow these steps: (1) Get that calendar and follow these directions; and then (2) Follow through and get involved in the group that is most interesting to you. You have nothing to lose - and a lot to gain

Good luck!Adeline

Previous articles in the series on adjusting to single life.

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