My husband is a HMM (high maintenance man) and sometimes that can be a royal pain in the ass. I always thought he was simply “difficult” until I learned his true definition recently.

Last week some of my single friends were talking, and one described a first date she’d had the weekend before. The guy was good looking and fun, but when they ate in a restaurant, he complained repeatedly to the wait staff about the food.

“Are you going out with him again?” I asked.

“No way would I get involved with someone like that,” my friend declared. “He’s a high maintenance man. I don’t have time for that shit. If he can’t enjoy a simple restaurant meal without complaining, he’ll complain about everything else, too. His expectations would be unrealistic and unobtainable. I’d never measure up. No one would.”

What do you think? Can one act of rudeness in a restaurant truly be an indication of a major personality defect?

According to that definition, my spouse is definitely a HMM. I can’t even begin to count the number of restaurants where he’s had confrontations with the wait staff and always with the manager involved - and occasionally with phone calls to national headquarters over food he doesn’t like - which he is certain was deliberately prepared incorrectly - and over insults that only he can perceive. There’s no way to count the number of times he’s asked to speak with a business manager because he’s certain that a clerk has purposefully mistreated him.

He’s hot or cold - never warm. A few weeks ago we ate in a restaurant where the server was extremely bubbly and helpful. He gave her a $50 tip - for a meal that cost less than $30. That server didn’t deserve the $50 tip anymore than most of the servers he’s complained about deserved the complaints he lodged.

Yep, I’d say he is definitely a HMM. There are worse things, though, and I happen to be crazy about my spouse - even if he does drive me nuts at times.

Adeline, I understand that COMPLETELY! I’m also married to a HMM. I now have a new word for it. In the past I’m had other words for it, the nicest I can think of now is a**hole. He doesn’t do the restaurant thing, but he has other ways to assert his power and control. But I’m crazy about the man. He drives me crazy sometimes, but I’m crazy about it. hazel